This journey is never going to end. As a matter a fact, I doubt that this journey will even get to the middle either. I am on week 4 of my diet and I have already destroyed myself this week. For the last 4 days I have eaten nothing but terrible things for me in excess. I feel like crap. Physically and emotionally.
I really feel like this is the time for me to make changes in my life. I already feel a bit happier even though I have been depressed lately. It’s nothing compared to the crippling depression I have felt in the past.
When I was working out last week I was really feeling good. Sore, but it was a good kind of sore. I was so motivated to keep going. Even Friday morning after I weighed in and found out I lost 3lbs I was motivated. Then, I went out to eat. A lot! I just couldn’t get back on track. Then I thought, ‘Hey, I’ve already screwed up this bad, I might as well keep going.’ And I’ve eaten crap for every meal since.
I’m done. I’m going to eat a health dinner tonight, work out, and get back on plan tomorrow. I can do this. I will do this. I haven’t failed, I just hit a speed bump.
As far as working out, I have been walking from work. Okay well I’ve done it twice and it’s a big deal for me. I’m looking for new things to do all the time. I would love to get a bike and ride to and from work but that is an expense and something I don’t know if I can still do.
People talk a lot about Zumba on the weightwatchers.com message boards and I think it may be fun to take a class. They offer one on Friday mornings in Spanish Springs but I don’t know if I can actually do it or if I would be laughed out of the class.
I keep dreaming that I become as fabulous as my mom and people will adore me for both my winning personality and my massive weight loss achievements. Unfortunately, I’m not nearly as fabulous as her.
I’ve been reading that blog again that I talked about previously. The girl who packed up her life and hit the road. It sounds so relaxing and peaceful. I wish I had her courage. The more I think about it the more I realize I’d never be able to do it tho. I need structure in my life in order to keep me somewhat sane.