Emo Girl

It’s hard to say how I’ve been feeling lately.  There are so many emotions running through me.  Sadness, excitement, fear, happiness, worry…you name it and I think I’ve felt it in the last month.

The house in Grass Valley has sold.  It is sad to think of someone else living in it.  My grandparents bought it while it was still being built so they are the only people who have ever resided in it  It’s also exciting because my mom gets to buy a new house and Bobby and I get to move.  I’m not really looking forward to moving, nor do I want to live in house in Sun Valley, but I am excited about the prospect of being able to paint and do whatever we want to the place.  I’ve already started planning what colors I want to paint everything.  I need to start shopping for ceiling fans for the offices and accessories for the living room.

As of today my surgery is a week away.  I am excited and scared.  That’s all I really have to say about that.

I’m trying to make myself into a more positive person.  I’ve started a “Book of Inspiring Things” I which I just add anything that makes me smile.  I’ve added quotes, photos, and magazine cut outs thus far.  I am also using it to be a bit creative.  I pulled out some water colors and crayons the other day which is a bit silly sounding but was actually quite relaxing.

I’ve decided to change my major once again. Bobby has been suggesting Graphic Design to me for a long time and I didn’t think it’d be good for me.  I’ve thought about it a lot more lately and realize how right Bobby really is.  I thought I really wanted to do web design but I realized that I enjoyed making the graphics and whatnot more than the coding.  I hated coding.  Not to mention this stupid CIT class I am taking is making me see how difficult it really would be for me.  I looked over the classes I would need to take and I am actually getting excited!  My mom of course is worried I’ll never find a real job with it but I think I’d be miserable if I continue to pursue Information Technology.  The only reason I am even going to school is so that I can eventually get a job that I won’t hate.

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26 Life Lessons You Should Learn Before 26

I’m not 26 yet but I saw something online called about 26 life lessons you should learn before you are 26 and I thought that it was really good. I decided that I would share the things that I think everyone should know by 26.  Some of them are things that I myself haven’t quite mastered but I know they are important and I’m working on them.

  1. Being an adult can be fun when you act like a child.  (At appropriate times!)
  2. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest.
  3. Laughing, crying, joy and anger… all are a vital.  And you can’t avoid them.
  4. The greatest truths in life are discovered when you least expect it.
  5. Greed and selfishness will bury even the luckiest people eventually.
  6. Bad things do happen to good people.
  7. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.
  8. Uncertainty is caused by a lack of knowledge, hesitation is the product of fear, and both are good.
  9. Time heals all wounds… regardless of how you feel right now.
  10. Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
  11. Your health is your life.  Something you need to realize before its too late.
  12. Chance is a gift, so act on chance when given the opportunity.
  13. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence.
  14. People deserve a second chance, but not a third. I’ve learned this the hard way many times.
  15. Marry your best friend.  I certainly plan to.
  16. Take lots of pictures, no matter how inconvenient it seems.  Someday you’ll be really glad you did.
  17. Money makes life easier only when the money is yours free and clear.  Credit may solve the immediate issue but you’ll regret it later.
  18. Carelessness and laziness is the root of failure.
  19. Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your elder years. Make them count!
  20. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can’t grasp now.  This one is especially hard for me but I’m working on it.
  21. Motivation comes in short bursts.  Act while it’s hot or it’ll never happen.
  22. Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards toward the enemy.
  23. Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success.
  24. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time.
  25. Personal glory lasts forever.
  26. If you never act, you will never know for sure.

On the Road Again

On the road again in multiple ways. Firstly I am in Grass Valley, CA with my mom and sister to visit my grandpa (aka Poppop). He’s not doing great. He is in the hospital and about to return to a convalescent home. It’s hard trying to stay positive for him while also trying to prepare for when he passes away.

On the bright side it is absolutely beautiful here. It was in the sixties all day with a warm breeze. You can actually smell the trees. I love it here. It’s amazing!

Anywhoozle… The second way I’m on the road again is because I’ve gotten a great start in my 26 Before 26. I’ve had no soda, I took a few pictures, and I took a walk. I’m on a roll. Wish me luck to keep it up!

You know I’d wait forever

It’s a beautiful day here in Reno,NV. Lucky for me because I got off work at 11am today and decided to walk home. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I’m beboppin down the street listening to music. I made it home only to realize that I left my house keys on the kitchen table…

Surprisingly I’m not annoyed with myself. I have the warm sunshine, a cool breeze, my Zune, and my iPhone to entertain me. I won’t be stuck much longer, my mom will be around on her lunch break with a spare key at 1:30 so I’ll only have been out here about two hours.

Speaking of my Zune, I’ve downloaded so much music that more then half of my 10,000+ songs I’ve never heard. I just now came across this great song called “Forever” by Walter Meego. I’ve listened to it about 15 times already out here lol. I think I’ll have to Google him when I get inside to see what else he’s got. The title of this blog is a line of he song, it suits me well considering my current situation lol.

Hmmm since I have the time I might as well do a diet update. Friday I weighed in with another loss of 0.6lbs. It’s not much but I’ll take it! Considering how off track I was the other week I am just happy to have any loss at all. I think that the Alli is helping a lot to suppress my appetite. However I’ve noticed on the weekends I tend to go a but crazy and eat out way too much but at least I tracked just about everything this weekend.

I am really enjoying my walks home. It’s nice and peaceful especially if I remember to bring my Zune. I’d like to take more walks but the hardest part is just gettin up and starting the walk. It’s getting easier but it’s still tough. Going back to my weight loss, I’ve only lost 4.8lbs since I started a month ago but I really am feeling better. Exercise isn’t AS hard and I feel like this is the most motivated I’ve ever been. I really think I can do this, it’s just going to take a lot of time and patience. Patience is hard for me lol.

I can’t wait to get on the road again

As I said last night, the plan was to get back on the healthy wagon today (Friday). Unfortunately, my Mom wanted to go to the Peppermill Buffett for breakfast. Not only was the meal terrible (which is surprising because Peppermill used to be excellent), but I now know that I can not go to buffetts anymore because I don’t have the self control for it. Maybe in the future but right now I should really avoid triggers like that.

Eating that terrible meal pitted me against myself for the entire day. I fell physically and emotionally crappy. I basically laid around the house all day. Around 9:30pm I finally decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and I got off my ass and went grocery shopping at Walmart.

To be honest, I don’t really like Walmart much anymore. I much prefer Target but sadly we have yet to recieve a full blown Super Duper Target that carries a full grocery section here in Reno. Anyway, I did really well shopping at Walmart. A lot more vegitables seemed to make their way into my cart then in past trips.

I decided, while on my way to the store, that I need something more to help me get going on my diet again. I know, I know, drugs are bad. Bleh! I originally planned on getting some sort of appetite supressant but ended up getting Alli.

Now I’ve taken Alli in the past but always quit because of the side affects. However, those side affects were my fault. You see, with Alli you take a pill with each meal that contains any fat. The purpose of it is to block your body from absorbing 25% of that fat. In the instructions it clearly explains that if you take Alli with a meal that contains more than 15 grams of fat you run the risk of soiling yourself. Disgusting but true. In the past I chose to just quit taking the medication so that I could enjoy my Bacon Double Cheeseburger while wearing CLEAN pants.

This time things are different. Even though I was eating terrible all week, I was still much more aware of what I was eating than in the past. Since I am not a fan of walking around with my pants full of sh*t, I think these might be helpful.

I think that anything that can help me on this journey is definately worth risking poopy pants.

Again and again

I’m off work tomorrow and I will be spending the day with my mom. She’ll be picking me up bright and early so we can walk around the Sparks Marina. I know it’s over a mile, I think it might actually be two miles, whatever it is I hope it gets me back in gear. I did so well last week, I don’t want that all to go to waste just because I had a bad this week!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future the past few days. I think this was brought on by my high school BFF giving birth to her second beautiful baby. She’s freshly 25, now has two adorable kiddos, a great husband, and just bought her first house. So many people around me are getting great new jobs, getting married, buying houses, and having babies. Sometimes I wonder if boyfriend and I will ever be married. We’ve been together 5 years in July. We’ve been together longer then all our couple friends except one, and they’ve been married 3 years! I know that we shouldn’t get married until we are ready but it’s hard to keep waiting. I don’t want to marry him just because I want a wedding, I want to marry him because I want to spend my life with him. I just feel like he is too comfortable with where we are. I never used to think that this phrase applied to me but I guess he doesn’t have to bother buying the cow since he gets the milk for free…

Health and Wellness

This journey is never going to end.  As a matter a fact, I doubt that this journey will even get to the middle either.  I am on week 4 of my diet and I have already destroyed myself this week.  For the last 4 days I have eaten nothing but terrible things for me in excess.  I feel like crap.  Physically and emotionally.

I really feel like this is the time for me to make changes in my life.  I already feel a bit happier even though I have been depressed lately.  It’s nothing compared to the crippling depression I have felt in the past.

When I was working out last week I was really feeling good.  Sore, but it was a good kind of sore.  I was so motivated to keep going.  Even Friday morning after I weighed in and found out I lost 3lbs I was motivated. Then, I went out to eat.  A lot!  I just couldn’t get back on track.  Then I thought, ‘Hey, I’ve already screwed up this bad, I might as well keep going.’ And I’ve eaten crap for every meal since. 

I’m done.  I’m going to eat a health dinner tonight, work out, and get back on plan tomorrow.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I haven’t failed, I just hit a speed bump. 

As far as working out, I have been walking from work.  Okay well I’ve done it twice and it’s a big deal for me.  I’m looking for new things to do all the time.  I would love to get a bike and ride to and from work but that is an expense and something I don’t know if I can still do.

People talk a lot about Zumba on the weightwatchers.com message boards and I think it may be fun to take a class.  They offer one on Friday mornings in Spanish Springs but I don’t know if I can actually do it or if I would be laughed out of the class.

I keep dreaming that I become as fabulous as my mom and people will adore me for both my winning personality and my massive weight loss achievements.  Unfortunately, I’m not nearly as fabulous as her.

I’ve been reading that blog again that I talked about previously.  The girl who packed up her life and hit the road.  It sounds so relaxing and peaceful.  I wish I had her courage.  The more I think about it the more I realize I’d never be able to do it tho. I need structure in my life in order to keep me somewhat sane.