It’s a brand new year

It’s that time again, the time to set goals and make resolutions.

I guess not everyone realizes what the difference between a goal and a resolution is. A goal is a specific thing that you’d like to accomplish, like losing so many pounds or cleaning your garage.  A resolution is something that you resolve to do every day. IE: eating healthier, being more compassionate, etc…

Lifehacker recently posted that “The key is to know which changes in your life should be attainable goals and which should be permanent resolutions.”  I think that when you begin a new year it is very important to be specific in your goals and resolutions.

This is one of the first years that I am excited about setting goals and making resolutions.

This past year was crazy for me in both good and bad ways.  I guess the only “bad” thing that happened was my grandpa passing away.  This hit me pretty hard.  We’d been expecting it for years but no one actually thought he’d ever really die.  As terrible as this loss was to my family and I, my grandpa passing away has impacted my life in so many positive ways.  Don’t get me wrong, I would certainly rather have my grandpa in my life but that would be selfish.  He was in so much pain during his last few years.  I think the only reason he held on so long was because of us.  He knew how hard my mom and I would take it when he passed away.  He expected us to fall apart.  I’m glad to say that I think we handled the loss of him well.  He’d be proud at how responsible and level headed we all were (most of the time).

I think I’m going to start just listing the things that I am thankful for from this year, that might make this seem less jumpy.

  • Thanks to my wonderful grandparents I now have the opportunity to go to school full time without having to work.  I am in awe of the people who can work a full time job and attend school at the same time, unfortunately, I am not one of those people.  Thanks to the financial support of my grandparents and the moral support of my family and fiancé, I am able to focus on completing my education. Now if only I was the perfect student 😉
  • My grandparents wanted to make sure that my mother, my sister, and I would be taken care of.  I can’t tell you how shocked I was to see how prepared they were.  I think that we had the easiest time ever closing my grandpa’s estate because he was so prepared.  I am so appreciative of that, I can’t even tell you.
  • 2011 was the year that Bobby and I were able to officially and completely crawl out of that deep abyss known as debt.  Thank God!
  • As bad as it sounds, I have to say I appreciate the fact that Bobby and I got to spoil ourselves a bit this year.  New bed, couch, dining room table, among other things that we probably shouldn’t have bought.  I am proud of the home that we have made together though, I finally feel like a grownup.  I think we have officially gotten rid of most of our hand-me-down furniture.  Nothing is wrong with hand-me-downs but it is an amazing feeling when you are able to purchase brand new things on your own for the first time.
  • I lost 67 pounds in 2011! Woot!  Everyone knows that my weight has been a huge struggle for me and this was the year that I was finally able to begin getting myself under control.  Hopefully 2012 holds many more pounds lost!
  • Travel travel travel!  I’ve never gotten to travel much in my life but this year was awesome!  In the summer my mom, sister, and I took a road trip down the California coast and saw some amazing things.  (It’s all somewhere in this blog if you’re curious) In late August Bobby and I got to visit Seattle, WA for the second time.  It was amazing! I’m finally starting to understand that city! Hopefully 2012 will bring another trip to Seattle and I already know it’s bringing a trip to Boston, MA!
  • I think this was a great year for me when it comes to hobbies.  I really found my grove with my earring design.  I haven’t done much in the last few months but as soon as we move (hopefully soon) I plan to get back in it!
  • This has been an interesting year in friendship.  I’ve reconnected with a few old friends (Amanda and Andrea) and I’ve grown closer to others (Brandy).  A friend also returned from a long stint in the Navy (Jeni).  My goal for this year is to have more people over and see some friends who I rarely see more (like Jeni, dammit!  We never see eachtoher, you may as well still be in Italy!)
  • One of the last awesome things to happen in the year (and probably the awesomest) is that Bobby and I are ENGAGED! Heck yes!  Six years in and I finally got him! J  He proposed on December 23rd at approximately 6:30pm.  It was very romantic!  He took me to the park where we shared our first kiss and in the exact same spot that he smooched he got down on one knee and popped the question.  We are extremely happy! Wedding date is currently planned to be June 29, 2013.

I’m almost positive I’ve forgotten things that I wanted to share but I can always blog again.  This post originally had intentions of discussing my goals and resolutions for 2012 but ended up just being a reflection of 2011.  I’m okay with that.  I have a lot I want to blog this year and hopefully, like I say every year, I’ll take advantage of this little spot on the internet and blog away.

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Catching Up on Life

I haven’t  blogged in awhile.  A lot has been going on.  Let’s see, a quick run down of things…

June 30 – Backstreet Boys Concert – SO AWESOME! I’ll make a whole blog about it soon enough.

July 1 – I got to see Twilight Eclipse! I’ll probably do a blog about this later.

July 2  – Five year anniversary with Bobby.  We had a lovely time.  There was an excellent dinner at PF Changs.  They had a great deal for two that included soup, an appetizer, two entree, and cute little mini deserts served in shot  glasses, for only $49.  That is a great price for that amount of food at PF Changs.   We of course had the chicken lettuce wraps which were excellent.  When they brought our entrees (a delicious chicken dish & Mongolian beef) they also brought a Spicy Shrimp dish because someone had ordered it and changed their mind.  The waiter said they were just going to toss it out so he brought it to us.  I love shrimp and I have to say that it was one of the most impressive shrimp dishes I’ve had in a long time.  The shrimp was tender and fresh, not chewy at all.  There was fantastic flavor and the breading was perfect.  Desert was good.  The perfect serving and a little double shot glass.  They had I think 6 or 8 different kinds to choose from so I think we got a hell of a deal.

July 4 – Nothing exciting for Independence Day but I did go to Grass Valley, CA to stay with my grandpa.  My grandpa had been in the hospital the week before for exhaustion and dehydration.  He had had a blood transfusion and his chemo and was doing nothing but sleeping so when he finally got up he could barely walk so we had to get him to the hospital.  He was in for a few days and wasn’t released until Saturday the 3rd.  Originally the doctor told him he could not go home because he lived alone so he was going to have to go into a rehab center.  Thankfully we were able to arrange it so that I could stay with him for a week, which is what I did.  It was a long week.  Not even a full week actually.  Sunday to Thursday.  I did a lot of cleaning for him and cooking.  The first few days he spent a lot of time in bed and I was very worried.  But on Tuesday he had a chemo treatment and I thought for sure he would be knocked out but instead, he was doing much better!  I think it also has something to do with the fact that he finally turned the damn AC on in his house.  Only setting the AC to click on at 80 was a huge help for both of us.  I got a lot more done around the house for him and he just looked so much better.  We had a nice time.  We talked a lot. Every night at 7pm he watches NCIS if he can so a few night we watched it together and it was really great.  He actually laughed at the funny parts, it was good to see him smile.

So anyway, I left Thursday morning when my mom arrived.  She quit the horrible job she had to go stay with him for a few weeks before a new (and better) job begins in August.  It works out really well.  I’ll be going back this Thursday to stay until Saturday because my mom has to come back to Reno to get the finally arrangements out of the way for the new job.  In August my grandpa has decided to go spend a week or two in a rehabilitation facility which will be really good for him I think.

July 9 – I went and saw Despicable Me with Brandy, Chey, and Sarah.  It was super cute and I’ll for sure do a whole blog about my opinions on it another time.

July 10 – Bobby really wanted to go to the Daniel Tosh show at the Silver Legacy and we were having a lot of trouble getting tickets but finally Bobby was able to get them so we got to go to the show!  Before the show we went up and had lunch at Red Robin with my sister, then we went and was Despicable Me because I really thought Bobby would enjoy it, and he did.  The movie finished just in time for us to make it to the Daniel Tosh show early and get our seats.  The place was packed!   The opening act was a super funny guy named Jasper Redd and then Daniel Tosh was on for about an hour.  It was a full day of fun and smiles for us!

Since Saturday nothing exciting has really happened.  Bobby and I have been spending a lot of time together.  We had a big fight right before our anniversary but we worked it out and I think things are going to be great.  I feel like we’ve been more honest, open, and happier with each other lately.  I love him so much and I am so thankful to have him in my life.  He’s been so great to be over the years and especially lately with me being an emotional wreck about my grandpa.

As far as my 25 before 25 goes…

Well it really hasn’t gone anywhere.  Everything kind of got put on hold when I left for my grandpas.  I’ve managed to accomplish the week without TV.  That was pretty tough.  I’m working on two new books.  The cleaning part has not happened much, I’m working on it.  Other than that, I haven’t done anything on my list.  I need to get going!  I have barely over a month to do it!!  I’m hoping this blog starts me back on the blog wagon again!

Life is Good

Another day off!  I know, I know, I’m a slacker.  Anyway…

I am in a great mood.  I am trying to be more and more positive lately and it really is working for a change.  Today was an uneventful day off but I feel good about it.  I woke up at 6:45 and went to WW and weighed in.  I only lost 0.4lb but again, a loss is a loss so I’m cool with it.  This week is going to be better than ever!  I’m hyped!

My Mom and sister came over for dinner.  I made “h-o-t hot boneless buffalo wing” sand “fiber-ific fried cheese sticks” from a Hungry Girl recipe from the “200 Recipes Under 200 Calories” cookbook I bought a few weeks ago.  They turned out really good and Mom stopped at our new favorite Chinese restaurant Jazmine and got their pot stickers and egg rolls.  We had a finger food dinner and it was excellent!  They have the best pot stickers at Jazmine!

After dinner we were going to watch “Dear John” but I am really hyper and I don’t feel like sitting around watching a movie.  I organized my Grandma Dee’s ceramic pig collection on my dining room shelf and dusted a bit.  I feel good about having something of hers out.  We were never very close but I do miss her.  I wish I had had the chance to get to know her better.  Thankfully I was very close to my Mom’s Mom, my Grandma Joan.  Tomorrow I am going to see my Poppop (mom’s Dad).  I think I’m going to ask him if he has anything of Grandma’s that I can have to display in my house. I have a few things that were hers but mostly just some necklaces that you can’t really display.

Back to the negativity topic..I think being less negative is really helping in a lot of aspects of my life.  Sure, I’m still negative about some things sometimes but I am trying.  Bobby and I are doing pretty good I think.  We did get into an argument the other night but that was my fault for not being more communicative.  Besides that I think we are doing really good.  I love him a lot and I am glad to be with him.  Since I’ve missed a lot of work lately (I know, I’m a bad girl) money is tight but we’re dealing with it pretty well.  I kinda get antsy once in awhile about it and I know it bugs him because it’s my own fault we are tight lol.  I just need to relax, we have money for rent, bills are paid, and we have food in the house.  Everything is good!

My life is really excellent!  I have a great man who treats me better then I ever deserve.  My Mom is my best friend and I wouldn’t replace her with anyone else.  My sister and I get along better than ever.  I have a few people I can really count on that are my friends.  I have a nice job.  My house…well my house is turning out to be freaking beautiful!  I love opening all the windows, turning on music, and just looking around at how far we’ve come.  Our old apartment started with a tiny couch we found by the trash and an itty bitty tv.  I know life isn’t all about stuff but I feel like we have come so far and our stuff is just the physical proof of that.

All I gotta say is…

Again and again

I’m off work tomorrow and I will be spending the day with my mom. She’ll be picking me up bright and early so we can walk around the Sparks Marina. I know it’s over a mile, I think it might actually be two miles, whatever it is I hope it gets me back in gear. I did so well last week, I don’t want that all to go to waste just because I had a bad this week!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future the past few days. I think this was brought on by my high school BFF giving birth to her second beautiful baby. She’s freshly 25, now has two adorable kiddos, a great husband, and just bought her first house. So many people around me are getting great new jobs, getting married, buying houses, and having babies. Sometimes I wonder if boyfriend and I will ever be married. We’ve been together 5 years in July. We’ve been together longer then all our couple friends except one, and they’ve been married 3 years! I know that we shouldn’t get married until we are ready but it’s hard to keep waiting. I don’t want to marry him just because I want a wedding, I want to marry him because I want to spend my life with him. I just feel like he is too comfortable with where we are. I never used to think that this phrase applied to me but I guess he doesn’t have to bother buying the cow since he gets the milk for free…

Hello Again

Well here I am again. I told myself I would blog more and obviously this personal blog hasn’t gotten much action lately. I’ve started another blog, Be Awesome Instead! and it’s dedicated to only positive posts. I figured that I can use it to only post things that are positive and make me smile. It would be cool if it became this great big popular blog but of course I don’t see that happening. LOL I guess that BAI is my positive blog and this one is my negative :-p Okay this one is supposed to just be my personal blog.

Hmm so whats Happening lately?

Work is okay. I’m getting really upset with myself because my supervisor has told me I am one of the best reps in the call center but due to my stupid attendance I’m not eligible for any of the great promotions that they had available. I’m not mad at anyone but myself. I know I did it to myself I just…I don’t know. It was hard to come to work and get out of bed. I was in a major funk and I don’t know why. Well I guess I do know why. The other parts of my life are a bit stressful.

My mom is losing her job. GemsTV is closing in May and I am worried for her. She already has several job opportunities so I am sure she’ll be fine but it is hard seeing her so sad because she is usually such a positive upbeat gal. Then, to top things off, a few weeks before she found out she was losing her job she had an eye doctor appointment and he said that she has no periphial vision in her right eye and it is most likely a problem in her brain due to head trauma or cancer. I’m hoping for head trauma because at least it won’t get any worse and we already know how that was caused. If it’s cancer…oh God I don’t know what I’d do. She’s my bestfriend.

Poppop, my grandpa isn’t doing well at all. His bone cancer is tearing him apart. He used to be the toughest guy I’ve ever bet, not to mention the neatest guy. Now, he can barely walk around and his house is a mess. It’s killing me to see him like this. Sometimes I wish that he would just go because I feel like he’d be out of pain and he’d be in Heaven with my grandma. Then I feel selfish for thinking that way because a tiny part of me just doesn’t want to have to see him like this.

Friends have been an interesting issue lately. Well, one friend really. She basically told me she can’t handle being around me because I am too sad all the time. Well, my grandpa is dying and my mom is going though hell. Get the eff over it. I feel like if a “friend” can’t be there for you when you’re at your worst they they obviously aren’t your friends at all. Its a hard realization to come to but sometimes you just have to toss the negative things out in order to better yourself.

Bobby and I are really good. We’ve been together almost five years now. I love him now more than ever. Sometimes I wish that we could go back to that great happy honeymoon phase but of course as time goes on things never stay like that. He’s still a great man. He treats me better than I deserve and he loves me unconditionally.

I’m still in a bit of a funk. I need to change things in my life. Obviously my weight, my attitude, my everything. I just don’t know where to begin. Sometimes I find it really hard to get out of bed in the morning. The medication I’m not just doesn’t work like it used to. I’m seeing a hypnotherapist now so hopefully that will help me. I don’t really have anything to be miserable about. Sure, I have things to worry about but the rest of my life is good. I just need to focus on that I suppose.