Just Do It!

I have decided that every day I am going to set a timer for 10 minutes and write for the entire time.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t stuck to any of the things I said I was going to do.  This blog will really be jumpy as I am going to just randomly go on about what I’m thinking.

I would really like to make another list of things I would like to do before…  I am thinking I will make a big list and a small list.  One will be things I want to do before I turn 26 and the other will be larger things I’d like to do before I am 30.  IU know that on the before 26 list I want to try the no TV thing again, I succeed in avoiding it for an entire week, I’d like to try a month next time.  Also, Facebook and Internet might be a cool one to try.  Maybe not a whole month, but a week at least.

I have recently become addicted to multiple Zynga games on Facebook. It’s really effing annoying.  While I am playing them I am so into it and just wanna go go go, but then, as soon as I run out of energy or whatever the hell you need for whatever game I’m playing, I get pissed at myself.  Why do I like these games?  They aren’t that entertaining.  They just annoy other people.  Right now my Facebook wall is entirely Zynga game posts.  That is freaking stupid!

I started an online store selling my jewelry and other odds and ends.  http://www.handilyhandcrafted.etsy.com

I have officially sold 2 items in the shop and a few to people I know in person.  I sold one item the first day the shop was open and the second item was sold today, one hour after I posted it.  I think that if I can find a way to really get my stuff out there I could do pretty well.  I really enjoy making the things and it’s so exciting each time I get a sale!

I got a Cricut Expressions finally!  If you don’t know what it is, Google it!  It’s so much fun!  I want to do so many projects!  I was thinking maybe I could start making some handmade cards and selling them in my shop.  I would really like to keep everything I sell in one shop but I’ve noticed other people on Etsy have separate shops for different kinds of things.  Like a shop for jewelry and one for paper goods.  I think that would be more confusing because people wouldn’t expect to have to go to two shops.  When I say people I mean people that I tell about my business or give my card.  Maybe fellow Etsyians would get it, but I think I’ll stick with one shop.

I have had terrible insomnia lately. Ick.  I am not working right now so my schedule is just bleh.  I haven’t been able to get to sleep before sunrise unless I take a Tylenol PM.  That can’t be healthy.

I got a Sweet Pea candle for my birthday from Bobby’s aunt.  I love Sweet Pea.

YES! Time is up!  Maybe I’ll come up with something more interesting to blog about for tomorrows 10 minutes.

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“Nightclub” a random short

I wrote this story ages ago, I honestly don’t remember when.  Maybe 5 or 6 years?  I just found it on my computer.  I kind of like the attitude of it.

A busy night club, crowded with people, the hunters and the hunted of human sexuality. Dancing, grinding, drinking, and awaiting that offer for the inevitable one-night-stand that gives the only purpose for being enclosed in such a place. The point to this seemingly pointless waiting? None really, well, unless you count the urge to quench the thirst of having something raw and meaningless to hold on to.

While in a club like this there wasn’t much that could be deemed as ‘unexpected’. People enjoying the company of others while engaging in pleasant conversation (otherwise known as ‘freaking’ and ‘making whoppie’). No sight was surprising, except for the one in a dark corner of the club.

A young woman in a tight red skirt that hardly reached her mid-thigh seemed to be the only one to notice the peculiar dark haired man in the corner of the room. Checking her lipstick and closing the hand-held mirror with a snap, she made her way through the smoky crowds.

Sitting alone in a corner booth, reading Stephen King’s “Cujo”, the man didn’t look up when the woman approached his table.

“Who the hell comes into a night club to read?” she asked in a cold tone.

“Well,” our lone wolf began, “we can’t all have the professional whore’s handbook to fall back on when choosing our activities.”

A moments pause occurred between our players, the woman mumbled something under her breath as she took a seat in the mans booth.

“What was that?” our hero asked, never diverting his eyes from his reading.

“I said, you are an asshole.” she retorted in a much louder much harsher tone.

More awkward silence exchanged between the man and the woman. She fiddled annoyingly with the straw in her drink.

“Do you have to do that?” he asked calmly.

“Do you have to be so pig-headed?”

“Apparently so.” once again the silence returned.

“Damnit Justin! Talk to me!” she yelled, not even startling him.

Justin placed a cocktail napkin between the pages of his book as a marker. “If you wanted a conversation all you needed to do was ask.”

“Why the hell else would I sit here?” the woman asked in a huff.

“Mia, you’re my ex-girlfriend. Walking up to me in a public place such as this is a perfect opportunity for you to humiliate me.” he said crossing his arms.

“Now why would I ever want to humiliate you Justin?” she asked playfully causing him to roll his eyes.

“You always find some new way to cheapen me.”

“That was when we were still together.” Mia replied with a grin. “Remember Little Bo Peep?”

“Yeah…no matter how hard I try to forget.”

“I still say you make a damn sexy sheep…” she chuckled.

“Do you know that still to this day if I am so much as a foot near anything wool, I break out in hives?” he asked wish a slightly sarcastic tone in his voice.

Mia couldn’t help but laugh.

“What happened to us Justin?”

“You dumped me for my sister.” Justin replied. His tone a serious one.

“No, you dumped me.”

“What’d you expect?” He couldn’t help but remember how he felt the day he came across his dutiful girlfriend and his little sister ‘fornicating’ on the couch of their apartment. His couch. He felt like he had walked into a porno, but rather then become instantly aroused, he vomited on the newly cleaned carpet. His carpet.

“You hold unnecessary grudges.” commented Mia.

Justin’s eyes widened.

“Unnecessary grudges?!” he shouted. Mia quickly turned with puzzled expression on her face due to his outburst.

“Yes.” she said simply. “That was ages ago. Move on.”

“It was last year” Justin sighed “And I have moved on.”

“Oh?” Mia chuckled “Show me proof. Justin shifted in his seat, rolling his eyes once again.

“Here we go again.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” questioned Mia, who sat up into a perch position on the other side of the booth.

“You ask me this every time we see each other,” he sighed. “I have proof that I’ve moved on.”

“Where is she? What’s her name?” Mia probed.

“See? That’s your problem.” Justin commented, shaking his head.

“That I like to know the names of people?” Mia asked perplexed.

“No, to you, I need to be involved with a woman in order to be officially over you.”

“Right” she confirmed.

“Wrong.” replied Justin, he was beginning to become flustered. “Look at me! This is all the proof you need. I’m outside among people.”

“You’re in the corner of a stuffy club and I’d be hard-pressed to call some of these creatures ‘people’.” said Mia, she paused momentarily. “You are so still in love with me.” she added.

“Not that you’re full of yourself or anything.” he grumbled. “I’ll have you know I have had plenty of dates in the past year.”

“A continuing rendezvous with your left hand does not count as a date, let alone more then one.” she chuckled.

“First off, I’m right handed.” Mia rolled her eyes, “Secondly, I speak of real live women.” Mia raised an eyebrow.

“Nine hundred numbers…?”

“Internet.” Justin replied, smiling. Mia shook her head and sighed.

“You’re hopeless.”

“By this point, yes” countered Justin. He picked up his book, placed the napkin on the table and with a great grin on his lips, continued reading.

Mia sighed.

“I come to this place looking to hook up and maybe make something of the night and I end up stuck in a corner booth with my hopelessly neurotic ex-boyfriend.”

“Who’s reading ‘Cujo’.” Justin chimed in.

“Who’s reading ‘Cujo’.” Mia added. “Jesus, I hate the club scene.”

Learn to Type No0b!

I just reread some of my posts and realized that I forget words quite often. I hate when other people do that! I need to slow down and reread everything I write before I click publish.
Anyway, it’s almost 4am and I am supposed to be going to Grass Valley, CA again at 7am. I don’t really feel like going.

I haven’t felt like doing much the last few days. I think the reason might be that I have been completely off track on my die once again. I’m annoyed, I felt like I was doing well. Tomorrow is a new day and I can start fresh again.

Battle vs. Boreom

I’m bored and I’m always bored. I never do anything new and exciting so starting right now, I am going to do two new things a week that I have never done before. So far here is a list of a few things I’d like to do. Some are big, some are small but I think I should really do this.

– Plant an herb garden
– Go to a nightclub
– Go to a museum
– Read on the patio
– Walk to work
– Have a dinner party
– Take a yoga class
– Take a Zumba class
– Wear a new hairstyle to work
– Take a digital photography class
– Learn to play guitar
– Learn Spanish
– Drive to Lake Tahoe for the day

What ifs?

I can’t help but wonder what our relationship would be like if he weren’t a gamer. Would we spend lazy Sundays in bed reading together and making love? Would we get on eachothers nerves by spending too much time together? Would we go to bed together each night? Would we wake together in the morning and relax and drink coffee before work?
I know that video games wouldn’t change all that but sometimes I wonder. It doesn’t bother me that he plays games anymore. We’ve certianly found a middle ground that appeases us both. But, if games weren’t in the picture, what kind of relationship would we have?

Sleepless Nights

Lately sleep has been so elusive. I try not to think so much but I can’t turn off my minds ramblings. Lately, the only time I can fall asleep without staring at the ceiling for hours is if I take a sleeping pill. I’m not so depressed anymore but I know that I am worrying about things I shouldn’t worry about. My mind keeps thinking about all kinds of things. Cleaning my house or craft projects that I want to do or even things I just want to buy. I used to be able to meditate to calm myself down and relax but I haven’t been able to do that in years.

However, recently I think that I have changed a bit inside. I can’t really say what kind of change that might be. I’ve actually enjoyed cleaning my house lately. Now that is really a shocker. I hated cleaning. I think that I just want to appreciate what I have because honestly, I have it really good. Sometimes life gets frustrating but more often than not, it’s pretty damn good.

I think this blog is just going to be my personal diary. I’m not going to make it private or anything but I don’t think I’m going to actively advertise it to my friends and family. Sometimes you just need a place to vent without having to worry that someone is going to read it and be offended.

That’s one thing that is getting to me. I fee l like if I share my feelings with certain friends or family they take it to be an insult. These people have known me for many years and should know by now that I would rather be blunt and honest than sugar coat things. If someone asks me for advice I feel that I should be honest, unfortunately, with some people, if they don’t like the advice I have to give, they just get angry and take it as an attack on them. Don’t ask my opinion if you don’t want the truth. Maybe I should make a t-shirt that says that.

I recently found a blog by a friend of a friend. She’s documenting her preparations for her trip across the country. She’s selling all her possessions and just hitting the road with no destination in mind and no time frame. The first thing that I noticed about this is that she is an incredible writer. I can’t imagine having her talent with words and not actually using it for something more than a personal blog. It is absolutely amazing. The second thing I admire is that she is my age (early twenties) and she’s leaving her friends, family, and entire life to take this incredible journey of discovery. I wish I had to means, or even the nerve to do something like that.

Sometimes I wish that I were single so that I could just take off and find myself. I love my boyfriend, and I’m glad I’m with him. Don’t get me wrong. I just wish I had done more with my life before settling down. I don’t feel like he holds me back at all, I just feel like I didn’t do anything worthwhile before him. He is truly amazing, I wish I had more to offer him. I had a dream the other night that he woke up one morning and decided that the two of us should sell everything and take off. It turned into this great adventure for us. But, he’s much too responsible for that. Of course, that’s a good thing. I can talk all I want about hitting the road but I’d never do it I’m sure, even if I were single. I’m too comfortable with my life to leave it. Besides, I would miss my mom and, as much as I love my boyfriend, we’d drive each other bonkers on the road non-stop.

God, I hope that this is the start of something new. Just writing this one blog was kind of cathartic. I always tell myself I will blog and write more but I never do. Maybe this is the beginning of something great. I want to document my journey to becoming a better person, inside and out. My internal road trip if you will.