Black Holes and Revelations

The list was going very well until yesterday (2/7). I heard some upsetting news and I let it get to me so I gave in and drank an orange soda and didn’t work out at all. I know it seems petty but I had been on a small roll for a few days and I just wasted it. Every time I do something like that it turns into a landslide of bad behavior. Proof today is the fact that I drank the rest of my orange soda from yesterday and didn’t work out. I fall into a black hole and can never seem to get myself out. It’s so frustrating because I know that the only thing stopping me from succeeding is myself. How can I sabotage my self?

The upsetting news I received yesterday brought me to a revelation. I can choose not to be angry and upset. People have been telling me this for years but I honestly didn’t think it held any water. I have always, and I mean always, let my emotions control me. Obviously that can have some serious consequences.

What lead to this revelation was a rumor at work that has been floating around. I heard someone was getting a promotion and I disagree with the decision (there are several better candidates, including myself). As soon as I found out, I let it get to me. I was in a great mood and then suddenly I was fuming. The stupid thing is that this is just a rumor floating around. Why on earth did I let seething that isn’t even a fact yet affect me this way? It’s like I’m allowing cancer into my body willingly. I put the negative things/energy inside me and they eat away at me. I suppose that is true for a lot of things I do but I’m getting off topic…anyway…

This morning I knew if I even thought about the situation I would be upset all day. So, driving to work, I plastered the stupidest smile on my face and didn’t stop smiling until I sat down at my desk. Why? Because I read somewhere that when you smile it releases endorphins that put you in a good mood. All day long when those angry feelings crept up I just pushed them down with a grin. I couldn’t believe how wonderfully this technique worked for me! It was amazing how great my mood was…and then it crept in and I couldn’t stop it. I was working on some new earring designs and sharing them with some people and getting lovely compliments and when asked how much I was selling them for I was told it was too much. I felt like they were telling me I wasn’t good enough. It just shut down my good mood. It’s ridiculous because I agreed with them! It was too much lol I have no idea why I let it get to me. They weren’t insulting me, they were being honest like I asked. I’m %100 in agreement with them and not upset at all anymore but man, I just cracked when they said that. My emotions surfaced and I let them control me again.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I think I need to make sure I read my list daily so I remember what I am trying to accomplish.